Sasuke's Downfall
by AquaSkye16
Summary: R&R. The epic tale of how Sasuke finally becomes crazy. Complete
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Sasuke's Downfall**_

**Chapter 1: Tomatoes**

The day started out pretty normally for Sasuke Uchiha. Basically he got up, sat in bed a few minutes and pondered the meaning of life (more specifically, the meaning of _his_ life) and finally decided to start the day. He glanced at the clock, which read 6:00 AM.

After taking a 2 minute navy shower and brushing his teeth and changing, he walked to the kitchen counter and made himself a breakfast of tomatoes and pre-made onigiri bought from the store (he was too lazy the day before to actually make his own onigiri.) He took approximately 2 hours. After this grueling ordeal, he took a short nap. At 11:00 AM he sat down and began to eat his tomatoes first. Finally, at 10:00 AM he finished up his last tomato and looked around. He had finished every single tomato in the Uchiha mansion, dug through every last tomato stash he had even the ones that he had locked when he was five years old. He strolled around the household, eyeing the secret shelves and drawers that he had busted into because he had forgotten the code to open the locks. This took approximately 5 hours because he 1,567,892 stashes, each consisting of around 50 tomatoes.

He pondered this predicament. Without anymore tomatoes, he would lack the nutrition he required to train that day. He sprinted to the bathroom. He would go to all the grocery stores in Konoha and relieve them of all their tomatoes, right after he stopped throwing up.

Sasuke wandered throughout Konoha. If only he could remember where the grocery stores _were_! It was now 12:45 PM, and a lot of people were outside, getting in his way. His vision was already blurry from lack of nutrition.

"Sasuke!"

He jolted, a massive strain on whatever energy he had left. Sakura was running at him and waving her arm like a madwoman. Naruto followed close behind, looking angry and waving both arms. "What…"

"You've been missing for four days! Where have you been!" Sakura said, rather loudly.

"Yeah! I considered breaking into your house and checking to see if you died!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Whatever…"

"Is something wrong, Sasuke?" Sakura asked anxiously.

"He's fine! He's fine!" Naruto interrupted.

"No he isn't! He didn't call you 'dobe', like always!"

"Maybe he finally understands that I'm better and is treating me with proper respect!"

"No, just look at him—" Sakura looked at where she was pointing. Sasuke was gone, disappeared into the crowd.

Sasuke sighed. He had finally been able to escape while his teammates were arguing. He was too weak to run. At last he spotted a grocery store, when it was just his luck that…

"SASUKE! JOIN US IN OUR YOUTHFULNESS!"

…the Green Beast and his sidekick look-alike were inside. He groaned.

"Why don't you preach to someone else? Did they mysteriously disappear only leaving me?"

"Oh, you misunderstand!" Lee jumped in front of him. "The others have joined us in our youthfulness many times in your absence! But because you were gone, you must make up for it! Come, join us while we run laps around Konoha!"

"OH, LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Now, Sasuke was already grumpy and didn't need these two to help him. There was a vein that was growing larger and larger in his head, and he resisted the urge to throw kunai at them. Instead, he decided to try to make them leave him in peace.

"STOP! GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE!" it came out much louder than expected.

Instead of continuing to annoy him, which is what he expected, they burst into tears. "HOW COULD YOU!"

"GO AWAY! YOU DESERVED IT!" he yelled at the two who were sobbing uncontrollably.

"VERY WELL!" Gai jumped to his feet and performed one of his famous smiles. Sasuke wondered if he had a gold tooth inserted just for that purpose. "I will have to CURSE YOU!"

Suddenly, Sasuke was seen sprinting away. "AHA! Behold the fear, Lee!"

"GAI-SENSEI, YOU ARE THE GREATEST!"

In fact, Sasuke had been running to a public bathroom because he felt like throwing up again. He was surprised that he had enough energy to run, but then decided it almost drained him. After rubbing his hands thoroughly with hand sanitizer and even rubbing it under his nose to be rid of the horrible smell, he stepped out of the Honeybucket (Port-A-Potty.)

It was then Dorothy said, "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto."

Wait…I mean, Sasuke said, "I don't think we're in Konoha anymore, Toto."

Toto barked.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Sasuke's Downfall**_

Chapter Two: Forest Fire! Where's Smokey Bear?

Sasuke immediately knew he was in a forest. A big one. He looked at the trees. Then he grew bored of looking at them and turned his attention to the rumbling in his stomach and thought, 'I'm hungry.' Then he looked at Toto. Toto looked innocently back, his tongue lolling out of his mouth and his tail wagging. Sasuke smirked. Evilly.

Sasuke leaned backward, patting his stomach and picking his teeth with a kunai, a pile of white bones beside him. The glowing bonfire whistled and crackled. He got up stiffly, and began to walk in one direction. He decided that if he walked in one direction for long enough, then he would eventually get out of the forest. Of course he forgot about the bonfire, which was built on dry sticks, which had a path of dry sticks. In a forest. A big one.

"AAAYYYAAAAHHHH!" Sasuke was running as fast as possible, but it was difficult. The fire itself was practically biting the backs of his sandals. It didn't really help he was running around in circles around the bonfire. It was hard not to, since the bonfire was around a five miles around. Yeah. He did it for no particular reason. It had also taken several fireballs to make it alight, so he was also out of chakra. Nice situation.

"AAAAHHHHH!" his pants were on fire, and tears streamed out of his eyes. Oh, how Naruto would like to see him now.

But, one good thing was that he was running in one direction now.

Then he decided, 'Wow, this is fun, running for my life!' and flapped his arms like wings. Unfortunately this only served to fan the flames. "I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm SSSUUUUPPPPEEEERRRRMMMMMAAAAANNNN!"

Right off the edge of a cliff.

Good for him, he only fell around 50 feet and there was a pool underneath him. So he only broke a few bones. He emerged, spouting water and shrieking in pain. No, it wasn't a normal, manly shriek, but a high-pitched girly shriek. Wow. Who knew _the_ Uchiha Sasuke could reach such a note.

After regaining his sanity, Sasuke looked around him. He was horrified. There was Team Asuma, Team Gai, Team Kurenai, and the rest of Team Kakashi staring at him. Even worse, Chouji was thin, Shikamaru was bouncing happily, Hinata chattering uncontrollably, Shino wasn't wearing his glasses, Neji was beaming in a very scary manner, and worst of all, Sakura was clinging to Lee's arm obsessively.

And they were all wearing green spandex and had mushroom haircuts.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

_**Sasuke's Downfall**_

Chapter Three: I believe Sasuke has left the building!

"SASUKE! JOIN US IN OUR YOUTHFULNESS!"

Sasuke stared at them, then retched the remains of Toto into the water.

Ino looked at him. "How very un-youthful, Sasuke! You must be more like Lee!" she suddenly got a dreamy look in her eyes. "Lee is so handsome and dreamy…I totally go for the eyebrows! He is so YOUTHFUL!"

"Back off, Ino-pig! He's mine!" Sakura shoved Ino right into the water. Where Sasuke had puked.

"FOREHEAD!"

Sasuke looked at them. This is just what Lee would like, two girls cat-fighting over him.

"SASUKE!"

Sasuke looked up at the sound of a familiar voice. There stood Orochimaru and Itachi, wearing green spandex with mushroom cuts and large grins. Itachi waved at him. "BROTHER! BE YOUTHFUL WITH US!"

Sasuke looked surprised, then cracked a large smile. "Of course!" Little did the mutated Itachi know that Sasuke was reaching for his weapons pouch…

"SASUKE! What are you doing! Someone help me!"

Chouji was running as fast as his weary legs could carry him and a five pound ham. For some reason, the Uchiha prodigy was chasing him, kunai drawn with a look of bloodlust in his eyes. Kiba chased close after, screaming, "DIE, SASUKE! YOU KILLED AND **ATE** AKAMARU!" Close after the Inuzuka, Naruto followed, yelling bloody murder and waving his fist. "YOU BURNED DOWN MY APARTMENT WITH A BONFIRE!" After the two, Lee and Gai were yelling happily, "LOOK AT ALL THE YOUTHFULNESS! LET US RUN LAPS TOGETHER!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Shizune looked out the window and tapped Tsunade on the shoulder. "I think it's time, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade looked out the window and sighed. "Oh well. It was bound to happen sometime. Okay, boys, but be gentle with him, and you know where his room and straightjacket are."


End file.
